is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
