I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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