this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
