i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
