Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
