I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
