We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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