You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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