i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
