remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
