you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i think i have two assholes
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
