dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
