So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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