honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
