I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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