this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
