thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
