Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
