why didn't you poke me back
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
