great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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