Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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