Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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