help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
