puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
