I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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