I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
