i already hear my dad disowning me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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