the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I cut my penus on the lid.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
