Just mADE A PArabola og urine
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize