Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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