i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
