There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
