he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
