just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
