My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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