i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
