So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Come share oat with me in your robe
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
