I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
