I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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