new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
