anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
