good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
