I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
