I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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