i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
