I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
