the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
