He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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