champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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