clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize