Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
