Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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