This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
