He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize