I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
