alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize