if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
