mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
