so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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