he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
