I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
