you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
