I think I died a long time ago.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
