i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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