Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
