it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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