I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
