the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
