I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
