Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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