I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
