So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
