He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
