i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
